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With a start, Sheena woke. Aggravated, she sighed exasperatedly and rolled
over to lay on her back. The Summon Spirits had probably done that to her
again... they corrupted just about every dream she experienced now with their
narrative intrusions or their annoying conversations with one another. That
particular side-effect was the bane of any summoner. Then again, perhaps it was
not their fault tonight. The dream - or rather, the memories she had relived -
were still clear in the forefront of her mind, but she could not recall any
intrusion by a spirit. Perhaps she had seen it naturally.
Which didn't really mean much, she supposed, but it did bring up something that
she didn't really want to think about in the middle of the night. Of course, now
that it was on her mind, she could do naught but let it simmer within her.
Sighing again, Sheena pulled herself into a sitting position. Whether she wanted
to or not, she had to face this. The pain and the uncertainty was something she
felt very strongly, and she couldn't allow it to disarm her now. Not in this
critical time or position.
She pulled the blanket off her form and placed it besides the bedroll before
putting on her regular clothes. Then, making sure that everyone else was asleep
and not intruding on her privacy, she stepped away from the group and headed
away from their campsite to find a quiet spot.
Well, there was no real need to find one. The late night air was silent and
serene, so Sheena didn't have to wander far. When she was barely in sight of the
camp, she perched at the base of a tree and leant back against it, resting her
head against the cool bark. It was a nice feeling, somehow, but it did little to
dissuade the demons roaming her mind at present. That was her job now - she had
to make them leave her alone.
So how could she do something like that? Her enemy was not something corporeal
like the creatures they had fought during their adventures. Rather, it was a
painful knot that she carried close to her heart that had been placed there more
than half her lifetime ago and had refused to be undone. Ever since the day
where she had failed to make the pact with Volt. The scenes she had just relived
were her memories of the aftermath. Once the vengeace of the Thunder Spirit had
been exacted, it had returned to it's temple, leaving the scattered and broken
remnants of Mizuho to gather themselves.
It was a horrible sight... despite the many years since then, Sheena could still
see it in her mind as clear as day. Homes obliterated and torn apart. People
injured or dying. Bodies strewn throughout the debris. And her unconscious
grandfather whose hand she had still been clutching even as they brought the
pair back. Volt's attack had caused so much death and devastation, all because
of her inability to control it. Even now, if not for Raine's assistance, the
same thing probably would have happened again. Her confidence had grown with
each Summon Spirit she had forged a pact with, but her failure still weighed
down upon her.
Especially since it was Corrine who had given her the strength to carry on in
the hard times. Anytime Sheena had felt like this, he had helped her get through
it. No longer, though... he was dead at the hands of Volt, too.
She sighed and gritted her teeth. The villagers - compatriates with which she
had grown up with. Orochi and Kuchinawa orphaned because of her mistake. Many
more furious and anguished at the loss of a comrade or loved one. The chief who
had normally guided them was incapacitated. Her real friends had abandoned her,
and only hatred was her friend now.
Her youth had saved her. Despite everything, the people of her village could not
exile such a young girl. Sheena leant forward and pressed her fingers into her
eyes, trying to staunch the flow of tears. The same tears that she had been
crying that day... tears of a child truly learning about mortality. Tears of a
young woman unable to find her real place in the world.
That was what this anguish was truly about. Part of it was remorse for the
actions that had resulted from her failure. Part of it was the sadness and
sympathy she felt for those who suffered by her hand. But the true nature behind
the pain was a simple realisation that she did not truly belong there. At first
she had been welcomed, but then she had been grudgingly accepted when her
judgment had come down upon her a second time. While she lived, learnt, and
existed in the town of Mizuho, it was not her home. The place she truly
belonged.
And she still didn't know where that place was. It was part of the reason she
had been so willing to undertake her mission - to find a place that she could
call her own. Even if it meant that she had to travel to a whole new world in
order to discover it. But her exploration of Sylvarant and then Tethe'alla had
all been for naught, in the end. While she was now striving towards a completely
different objective from the one which she had embraced originally, she was
continuing with reluctance. It was not because she didn't like what she was
attempting to - of course she did. She enjoyed every moment she spent with the
group.
But it was only temporary, and as the end of their travels approached, this was
becoming more and more obvious. She didn't want it to end... she didn't want the
feeling of companionship that she shared with the group to be severed.
Inevitable as that outcome was, she clung to her desire tightly. Maybe that was
why she was taking this so badly... because once it was done, she would be back
to the beginning. Any trace of belonging in a place would dissipate instantly.
Sheena sighed. "What am I supposed to do..."
"I think the question is, what are you doing at her?" said a familiar - if
irritating - voice.
Instantly the summoner perked up and faced the speaker. Zelos. Great - just what
she needed at a time like this while she was considering something so important.
Sheena blinked at him in the dim moonlight, her expression that of annoyance.
"What are you doing there?"
"Just admiring the view, my voluptuous hunny," Zelos replied with that stupid
grin of his.
The summoner groaned and buried her head in her hands. Typical. Perhaps the one
less-than-enjoyable feature of her travels was the Chosen's constant passes. Be
they on her or some random woman in the streets he had something for everyone,
it seemed. As a general rule of thumb, Zelos never seemed to be more sincere
than a horny eight-year-old. Ever.
"Great. I'm trying to think and I get interrupted by you." Sheena sighed and
looked straight ahead again. "Do you have something serious to say? Because if
not then I'd prefer it if you left me alone."
"...is something wrong?" he asked her curiously. He didn't sound any less
jovial, but there was a slight hint of concern in his voice.
"Nothing that would concern you," Sheena snapped at him.
"I'm sorry... I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."
Zelos turned to leave, and instantly Sheena regretted what she had said. Perhaps
she should give him a chance...
"No... you don't have to leave." She glanced back at him. "Stay if you want."
He stopped moving and faced her again. "Alright. Are you sure there's nothing
wrong?"
"Well... there is something. But I doubt you're interested."
"No way to find that out if you don't tell me, Sheena."
That was definitely interesting - he referred to her by name and not by his
usual attachment that he reserved for members of the opposite gender. Sincerity.
Something extremely foreign to his nature, or at least that was how she saw it.
"...well..." Sheena hesitated, before pressing on. "Zelos, have you ever had the
feeling that you just don't fit in? That you're not truly part of where you
exist?"
Zelos gave a chuckle, and instantly she was of a mind to punch him. Before she
could, however, he spoke.
"Funny you should say that, since I feel it every waking moment."
This time it was her Sheena's turn to be curious. "What do you mean?"
"The Chosen is not my title. I inherited it..." Zelos paused for a moment, "from
my good-for-nothing father. That immediately opened doors for me - I instantly
became the most important man in Meltokio with the freedom to do whatever I
wanted."
"I thought someone like you would consider that a good thing," she retorted.
"You'd think so..." he murmured. "But... the Chosen is not me. I wasn't supposed
to be him. It's something that I received from him, and I'll be damned if I want
anything to do with it." He sighed heavily. "It's a curse. It's not something I
want. I try to put on a good face and act like it's everything that I've always
wanted, but it's not. It's something that I've always hated. So you could say
that I really don't fit in with my position."
"Zelos..." Sheena hesitated, turning her gaze towards him.
He turned to her in response, his ever-present smile restored to it's usual
position. "Yes?"
"...I don't really fit in at Mizuho." Her eyes wandered back to the ground at
her feet. "Ever since the whole thing with Volt, I haven't really been a part of
that place. I love Mizuho, but the people don't exactly love me. Most of them
still look at me and recall the faces of those they lost, because... because I
wasn't strong enough to be who they expected me to be. I can't spend a single
day amongst them without seeing their pain, and instantly feeling my own regret,
and... and my own failure."
She closed her eyes and placed her head against her knees, continuing. "I look
around at other people - even a few of us here in this group - and I see that
most have a place where they belong. They're usually happy there, too. A place
where they are free to be themselves and free to live as they choose. A sliver
of the world to call their own. And it pains me that a place which I once
considered to be the place where I belong... doesn't feel like that to me
anymore."
Zelos remained silent, quietly contemplating what she was saying. Somewhat
encouraged by this response as opposed to what his usual reaction to something,
Sheena dove deeper.
"I think the reason why I accepted this mission so forwardly was because it gave
me the opportunity to find that niche. I could travel to Sylvarant and hopefully
find somewhere there. Once my mission was completed, I don't return to Mizuho...
I just disappear." She barked a laugh. "That's a foolish thought on my behalf...
obviously now I can see that such a stupid wish wouldn't come true. I wouldn't
just show up somewhere and say 'yes, this will do!'"
Again, Zelos was still silent.
"...hey, are you even listening?" Sheena asked, raising her head and looking at
him again.
"Yeah, I was listening. I was just thinking about something."
"And what was that?" she demanded, suspicious.
"...you know Sheena, despite everything, you and I aren't that different." Zelos
placed his head against the tree trunk and looked up at the starry sky. Then he
laughed abruptly. "I'm sorry if that offended you since I know how you take my
antics. Can't say I blame you, really... I had it coming from all of you all."
"I wasn't offended Zelos," she murmured.
"That's good to hear," he replied. "What I meant was that after hearing your
little talk, I could see that despite everything, we really want the same thing.
We just want to find our place in the world... our real place, not just the
stuff that others dump on our shoulders."
Sheena saw the truth in that statement, now. She felt a little bad for Zelos...
certainly, he had well and truly earned the reactions that she had given him,
but... well, she had completley ignored any and all possibilities of
understanding the Chosen of Tethe'alla a little better. Instead, she had simply
shunned him straight from the start. Compassion was something she was taught as
a child by both her grandfather and all of Mizuho, yet she had completely
ignored that teaching when it came to Zelos. Perhaps more evidence that she
didn't really belong in Mizuho...
But where, then? This was comforting, but not enough to solve her problem -
where was the place that she sought.
"I guess so," she replied absently.
Without warning, Sheena realised that Zelos' hand was on hers. She was about to
pull it away, but stopped. His was a gentle touch, not intending to hurt or
discomfort her in any way. So unlike the Zelos which she knew... who was this
doppelganger in his place? Hesitating slightly, she relaxed her tension and let
it remain there.
"What I'm trying to say, I 'spose," he said quietly, facing her, "is that maybe
the place we belong isn't as hidden as we thought."
Something prodded at her heart. A strange feeling in her chest - something that
she had only experienced sporadically at best. An unusual emotion which, despite
it's major importance in the lives of humans, she had never truly felt before.
Now it was coming to her strongly... directed at the person sitting beside her.
Zelos Wilder, Chosen of Tethe'alla.
"...I guess so," was all she could reply, as a smile crept upon her face. There
really was more to Zelos than what met the eye...
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